“dear purvey potty peter from northants were looking for a x dresser to replace my sister in our comeback tour potty will you join us can you sing can you dance potty will you we need you”

“potty peter do not join those pussies the henfield hells angels join us the black widows of america, we are feared throughout the land just ask filo bedoe & his his pet orangutan clyde.
potty peter, northants we have a special black widows leather jacket ready for you.”

“Latest odds for when luis 4-6-0 comes out of retirement & submits a nutty comment:

6/4 after 5pm today
2/1 tomorrow morning when brendan announces the king of bling p diddy has bought palace.
3/1 tomorrow afternoon after luis 4-6-0`s wedding to nookie bear.
4/1 saturday after the cardiff game.”

“Luis 4-6-0
potty pervy peter is fine my old buddy.
potty pervy peter will be best man/woman at the wedding of the year tomorrow.
we have made pervy potty peter a member of the henfield hells angels & today he looks a million dollars in his leather trousers, leather jacket, leather gloves & monkey boots in fact pervy potty peter looks like suzi quatro.
luis 4-6-0 do not worry pervy potty peter will be dressed in a 1980`s joan collins dynasty dress split to the top of his thigh with massive shoulder pads for your wedding of the year with nookie bear.”

“hey dudes what appeing man i ok i will be at my wedding no problem me and nookie are fine stop worrying every1 it goes ahead as it should tomorrow st pauls cathedral in the city of london i,m looking forward to it i feel a little groggy today but i,ll be fine stop worrying about palace we will stay up no probs trust me i,m never wrong 1 thing though any1 seen peter from northants he went for a ride with some guys !! hells angels i think peter call me mate let me know you safe .....”

“hello this is a real urgent appeal for a missing person his name is luis zargrosa 4-6-0 he went missing on his stag night which was last night folks!! luis i,m told by his friend arsene wenger and David beckham amongst a few that he was fine enjoying the night at the village hall of henfield !! now this is where we need you the public's help!! luis dressed in tesco bomber jeans with big turn ups plimsolls and had a lumber jack shirt on , he,s got no coat so where extra worried that he may well have come to harm i,m also told he had drunk nearly 3 bottles of his favourite tipple blackthorns cider mixed with 4 grams of meow meow so you can 1 sec i,m getting a report ------------------------------ he may have been spotted jay walk toward brighton which is his favourite football club i ,ll get back to you if confirmed,,, anyway this is shaw taylor police 5 keep em peeled”

“Has anybody since Potty Peter, northants?
he was last seen on luis 4-6-0`s stag night dressed in a chanel low cut dress, a donkey jacket & monkey boots.
potty peter was last seen leaving the pub with a load of hells angels.
does anybody know where potty peter is?.”

“Has anybody seen Luis 4-6-0?
he went on his stag night last night & is missing.
nookie bear is very worried & the wedding of the year could be off.
Luis 4-6-0 where are you?.”

“luis 4-6-0
i cannot cope i need help can you take over as manager?
luis 4-6-0 you are the only man with the brain, the football vision, the respect of the players & the fans of palace & the 4-6-0 formation who can save palace from the drop.
luis 4-6-0 your club needs you!!!”

“Mr paul we are in the bottom 3, we are short of players, our form is terrible but why do you keep going on about the 10 point deduction do you feel the other teams will feel sorry for us.
we had no chance of the play offs ambrose goals wouldve dried up & selling mr jose & jordan taking the club into administration & selling bad boy victor was nail in the coffin but if looks like mr simon will now take us down & that is sickening & unlike norwich we will not bounce back straight away because we will sell all our best players at the end of the season when we are relagated. what a shocking state mr simon has left the club in.”